Monday, December 15, 2014

50 Cleverer Ways to Say "Happy Birthday"

In our continuous effort to improve your life, Kerblotto generously gives you 50 ways to say "happy birthday" online while displaying a modicum of, albeit borrowed, originality. Please use these freely, or as an inspiration to write something original of your own, to displace the mindless, repetitive flood of banality that fills our social walls one day a year.

  1. Happy birthday to you and 1 in 365 people worldwide.
  2. I wish you a happier birthday than anyone else has wished you.
  3. Happy increased likelihood of getting oral day.
  4. Enjoy the dash between the two dates on your tombstone.
  5. If you count the day you were born as your first birthday, you are a year older than you think you are.
  6. Didn’t we just celebrate this like a year ago?
  7. Happity birdie.
  8. Another year, another 584 million trip around the sun. May your next 584 million miles be your best yet.
  9. Happy oldieth birthday.
  10. I noticed in the right column of my Facebook timeline that today is your birthday. I am now writing a message of acknowledgement and well-wishes, as is the socially appropriate custom.
  11. hpy bdy
  12. Time for your birthday tickles!
  13. Happy oldest-you-have-ever-been and youngest-you-will-ever-be-again day.
  14. Half a yappy bidet!
  15. Another year without dying. Good on you!
  16. He drank alone. It was your birthday, but that didn’t matter. He sat at the typewriter and wrote. None of it was very good. —If Hemingway wrote you “Happy Birthday”.
  17. Happy older you day.
  18. Defriend all of those who did not recognize the anniversary of your existence.
  19. May the best of your birthdays be today and those yet to come.
  20. Happy anniversary of the day you were abruptly brought forth from the warm comfort of your mother’s womb into this cold, unforgiving world.
  21. Happy better than the alternative.
  22. Congratulations on another spin around the sun.
  23. Yours is one of increasingly fewer birthdays I approve of.
  24. age=age+1
  25. Happy anniversary of the nine-month anniversary of your mom getting laid. Oh, and tell your mom happy one-day anniversary of that tonight.
  26. Appyhay irthdaybay abybay
  27. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.
  28. Have a smashing birthday.
  29. Happy facebook notifications.
  30. Have a happy birthday. I’ll be watching
  31. ¡ʎɐpɥʇɹıq ʎddɐɥ
  32. Have an ecstatically happy birthday..
  33. If you don’t have a happy birthday, remember, everything changes.
  34. Wishing you exuberant happiness not only today, but all the days of your life.
  35. Wishing you happiness despite hardship, success despite failure, and a birthday to become a memory of dancing gold.
  36. Happy anni-birth-ery!
  37. Have a birthday.
  38. Ebola. Hurricanes. Earthquakes. Tornadoes. Overdose. Car accidents. Murderers. Meteorites. Autoerotic asphyxiation. Quicksand. Congratulations. You’ve beat them all for another year.
  39. Of all the people I know, you are one who’s birthday is today.
  40. It’s your birthday, yet you are a gift to the world.
  41. Have a happy birthday. That’s an order, maggot.
  42. Let little birthday happies surround you like a fine mist of moonlit wonder.
  43. If someone sings you “Happy Birthday” in public today, bust them for violating United States Code, Title 17 §106, copyright infringement. Inform ASCAP and make sure Time Warner is properly reimbursed for their unlicensed performance.
  44. Happy birthday champ.
  45. Another birthday?
  46. cout<<"Happy Birthday [You]"<
  47. HBD
  48. Your birthday cake has an impossible job. Because no one holds a candle to you.
  49. Go easy on these birthdays. Too many can kill you.
  50. I’m going to overlook the existential futility of life for a moment and wish you a happy birthday.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Beer Glass Guerrilla Marketing


With a glut of undifferentiated bankruptcy firms advertising their services in traditional media, it is difficult to stand out with a small media budget.


To generate awareness for the consumer and small business bankruptcy services of Robleto Law, we put ads in a target-rich environment for the financially struggling. The bar. The unexpected ad placement was enhanced when the customer finished his drink — with a message etched into the bottom of the glass.


In only a limited run at a single location, the glasses generated an increase in telephone inquiries, web visits and social conversation for the firm.

For experienced, commercial bankruptcy representation, and a free initial consultation, contact Robleto Law at 412.925.8194 or at

Monday, March 18, 2013

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Something changed.

The foreman fell off the ladder and we had to get a new one.

A new ladder or a new foreman?

The latter.

The latter or the ladder?

The former.

The former or the foreman?

I broke my nose once. Well, it wasn’t my nose, it was some guy’s. And it wasn’t once, it was a pattern of abuse, happening many, many times over many, many years. And it wasn’t just some guy, it was the five-pound mummified fetus of my twin brother growing out of my ass.

Something hurts. It’s my head. When I try to use my brain, it doesn’t feel like there’s a brain there—I expect conscious access to a responsive network of memories, knowledge, experience and intuitions. It doesn’t feel like that. It feels like wet rags.

Try thinking with a bucket full of wet rags sometime.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Your street is in this ad.

Brands are creating customized experiences by integrating your corner of the digitized world into the story.

Huffy takes you on a trip down memory lane. You pick the lane.

State Farm uses Google Street View and US Geological Survey images to take a big-budget blockbuster right to your doorstep.

This experience will become even more personalized and seamless. One of the State Farm "State of Chaos" creators said, to do it again, he'd make the experience optimized for mobile, so the robot wouldn't just come to your home address, he'd come to your exact, current GPS location.

Really compelling new ways for brands to entertain and make a significant connection with audiences.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Bird Bashing

This Leap Day, I'd like to address a serious subject that affects us all. Hilarious bird collisions.

Fabio's enormous head collides with a bird.

Randy "The Big Unit" Johnson obliterates a bird with a fastball. Not sure what the ruling on the field was, but I'm calling a fowl ball.

Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger hits a flock of birds, inspiring bartenders to create "The Sully" — two shots of Grey Goose and a splash of water.

Thank you for your attention, let's all use this day to reflect on how birds occupy American airspace without any thought to whether Fabio's enormous head might come flying through.

Sunday, October 16, 2011